“General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) involves unremitting, excessive worry involving a variety of issues. Once the initial concern subsides, another quickly takes its place.”
I am all too familiar with this description of GAD as I have experienced this myself. It’s as though the mind is bored with nothing to do and latches onto a thought as a way to be productive. Unfortunately, this is not productive use of brain power and only takes energy away from our ability to be present and fully functioning. Why do worries overtake us? Anxiety is described as a fear of the future. As I pay more attention to my thoughts, I see that these anxious obsessions are not only visible during major life events but during the normal course of daily smaller scale events. It is not easy to uncover the why’s behind this debilitating anxiousness as there could be many different reasons why these thoughts appear in the first place.
Certainly, our childhood experiences impact us both positively and negatively and it is during these young years when we teach ourselves how to react in certain situations. As a child I remember getting anxious knowing that I would have to perform certain tasks that I deemed as scary. The first time I put on ice skates and approached the open gate leading to the ice rink, I spent several minutes contemplating my first step on the ice, followed by frantically holding onto the walls as I inched my way around the rink. Once I finally built up the courage to let go of the wall and skate on my own, the fear subsided and I loved the experience, not wanting to get off the ice when the session was over.
Another childhood experience I interpreted as scary was taking swimming lessons in the beach club lake. On the day we were going to swim in the deep end, I ran out of the lake in fear with the instructor yelling my name to come back. I overcame that fear also as I finally got the courage to go in the deep end. Once again, after getting out there, I did not want to get out and passed the final swim exam, which earned me a badge to swim in the deep end all by myself. So, it is clear to me that fear of the unknown has been a huge anxiety for me. Where did these fears originate for me? Was I born with anxious genes or did I learn anxiousness at an early age based on my environment? I picked it up somewhere.
Negative past experiences also have an impact, although this goes beyond general anxiety and may be considered another anxiety classification of post-traumatic stress disorder. As a child, my family took a trip to Florida. While in the ocean by myself, a giant wave knocked me down and pulled me out into the ocean as my body scraped along the sand. Somehow, I was able to relax while being swept away and eventually rose to the surface. Yet this experience was a traumatic one, leaving me not wanting to go out as far in the water. Luckily, I recognized that the Florida waves were generally stronger than the NJ beaches, and I eventually regained my desire to tackle the waves in NJ. But when I go back to Florida, I am more cautious.
What makes one person anxious can make another person happy. I remember getting on a roller coaster once with a friend. During the entire ride, I was scared sick, while my friend was not only laughing because he was enjoying the experience but also because he noticed how scared I looked. This memory makes me think that personality has something to do with anxiety as well. My friend was very outgoing, always talking. I am more reserved and quiet because I spend more time sensing the environment around me. Some people are better able to let the ride control them without fear. Part of my anxiety arises during these times because I feel the need to be in control but am not.
What is an anxiety state like for you?